Even the BEST fall down

I've been doing a lot of soul searching this past week and as I was thinking about the title for this post, I thought “even the great fall”. Then I typed that into google to see what popped up and instantly I was presented with Collide by Howie Day. I’ve heard the song before but I don’t know that I ever paid such close attention to the words.

Words are important. A song is far more than a beautiful melody. It is note after note played together until they flow together in the right rhythm. It can be left with no words, just a beautiful melody that washes over you like a fresh new morning full of peace. It’s beautiful, but words are added to enhance it.

Take for example a beautiful woman, who needs no make-up, she’s gorgeous just the way God made her. Yet every morning she applies just a little lipstick or eye color. The right color enhances and the wrong color takes away from the beauty already there.

Words are like that. The right words can take a beautiful melody to new heights and the wrong words can ruin what once was beautiful. Therefore, words are very important.

As I listened to the words of Collide, I wondered the history behind them. I researched that very fact and this is what I found: 

Howie Day wrote the song with Better Than Ezra frontman Kevin Griffin, who told us the meaning behind it: “That song lyrically is about people who come together despite being different, and this song, ‘Collide,’ is about a person who is kind of closed off and insular and not a gregarious person, coming together with someone who is. And that despite being two different types of people, you still come together and find a common ground. And then literally colliding into one another and how life has a way of doing that.” (http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=7431)

I want you to look at it in possibly another way. Everyone interrupts words differently and you might even interrupt them differently over time. I’ve done a lot of soul searching this week and watching the Olympics.

I remembered watching a Biggest Loser episode forever ago and what I remembered was the contestant had been an Olympian. Could you imagine that fall? Olympians are great, are they not? This week while watching the gymnasts my daughter declared, “Look at the muscle on that girl!” If you are an Olympian everyone is watching you, everyone is looking at you. To fall from Olympian to Biggest Loser, gosh it kind of cuts my heart. Could you imagine how deflated and defeated that person must feel?

With this thought in mind I returned to google yet again, this time to search Olympians on the Biggest Loser and look what I found. I took a moment to highlight a few key words for you. 

• Rondalee Beardslee, 28, currently weighs 280 lbs. but played basketball, volleyball and softball in high school. She says after she stopped playing sports, she got lazy and went through a "deep, dark depression." 
• Howard "Woody" Carter, 46, played football in a semi-pro league and the Arena Football League. Now 398 lbs., he is on the show to fulfill a promise he made to his wife to get healthy. 
• Toma Dobrosavljevic, 33, played soccer and has been active all of his life but now weighs 336 lbs. He says his wake-up call came when his life insurance agent told him he was almost uninsurable because of his weight.
 • Zina Garrison, 50, is a retired tennis player who medaled at the 1988 Olympics. Now at 263 lbs., Garrison says she wants to lose weight for herself and be able to try on a nice pair of jeans. 
• Rob Guiry, 26, has always dealt with weight issues despite his participation in sports. He says he's been the biggest guy on every team he's played on and, at 483 lbs., he's also the biggest guy at the ranch this season. 
• Gina Haddon, 41, was a cheerleader growing up and became a cheer coach, but she always ate very unhealthily. Now the married mom of two children is 242 lbs. and motivated to lose weight for her family. 
• Vanessa Johnson, 32, was a former WNBA player, and at 366 lbs., she wants to get fit for her two kids. 
• Sonya Jones, 39, currently weighs 283 lbs. She was an All-American two consecutive years for semi-professional softball but has been overweight all of her life. She's an avid Biggest Loser fan and says the show has always inspired and motivated her, and now she's a contestant. 
• Chandra Maple, 26, is a high school girls basketball coach who grew up on the court but now says she can't get up and down the court with her girls. At 341 lbs., she's on the show to fulfill a promise to her grandmother to get healthy. 
• Scott Mitchell, 46, played 12 seasons in the NFL as a quarterback. He now weighs 366 lbs. and admits that when he retired, he retired "from everything." 
• Emmy Lou Munoz, 32, is a wife and a mom of two. She has played sports all of her life but has always been overweight. At 260 lbs., her wake-up call was in 2011 when her son – who was 4 years old at the time – started running away from her and she could barely catch him. 
• John "JJ" O'Malley, 22, played football at Arizona State University but has always struggled with weight. Now at 392 lbs., O'Malley says, "I want to change the perception of myself. I want to drop the 'big.' I just want to be JJ O'Malley." 
• Jackie Pierson, 36, played several sports in high school. Now at 291 lbs. and a married mom of two young daughters, she wants to be there for her family and help one of her daughters prevent a potential weight problem. http://www.people.com/article/biggest-loser-season-16-cast-reveal 

Do you see the connection here? I see two, to be honest.

1. The Best – Olympians, Football players, Softball players…athletes.
2. The Past – High School was a long time ago.

The words to ‘Collide’ can fit nearly any relationship but I believe they can fit an internal one as well. I’m going to use myself for an example this time. I am so very far from the Best, but I did fall.

Unlike the above examples I did not start out as any type of athlete, as a matter of fact I hated sports. I hated gym class. I thought I’d become an athlete one year and signed up for the Basketball team…here’s the short story on how that played out: “I’m five foot two and an asthmatic.”  

Asthma became an excuse real quick. I couldn’t do a, b or c because I had asthma. I’m so thankful my fourteen-year-old son looks at it different. He says, “Yes, I have asthma. That means I have to work harder to win and that makes me better.” What a great view point uh?

I went from an unhealthy teenager wearing a size zero and a hundred and seventeen pounds to a very unhealthy Mom wearing a size twelve and a hundred and sixty pounds. Then I began a transformation journey. I became a size two and a hundred and thirty pounds. I became a runner, a weight lifter, a competitor – a real athlete.

During this transformation I became more outgoing, confident, happier, and healthier. I was enjoying life. I was happy to go places and do things with my family. I was happy to pose for photos. I t felt amazing to hear people tell me I inspired them. I was becoming this beautiful Tonya that I had never seen or met. I felt as if I were coming out of my cocoon, spreading my beautiful wings and learning to fly. I felt amazing.

Then…I fell.

I was at my best, the best I’d ever been and I fell. The horrible part is I knew I was falling. I knew I needed to do something about it. I just couldn’t quite make myself do it. I felt the need to escape and so I hid in my house and read book after book after book. Don’t get me wrong I read a lot anyway, but it felt safe inside my books. Nobody was watching me there or judging me and the fact that I’d fallen.

When I look at the lyrics of ‘Collide’ – I feel like I’m looking at my relationship with myself. “I worry I won’t see my face light up again” – my Mom has always told me that my smile could light up a room. I have not believed that because I’ve never liked my smile, but during my “best” I sure smiled an awful lot.

“I’m quiet, you know” – I am a quiet person by nature true, but the further I fell the more withdrawn I became. Even a quiet person can get quieter. You find you don’t want to talk about things; especially things around ‘the fall’.

“Even stars refuse to shine” – Just as I know the stars are there, hidden just behind the clouds, I know that within me is the body desiring to rise from the ash and fighting a mind that refuses to walk forward.

I am colliding with myself. I am colliding with the “has been”, the “best” and the “right now”. Am I speaking to anyone out there? Do you feel what I'm putting down? 

Today, I'm taking a stand. This non-stop colliding has got to end. Peace must be found. Therefore, I'm strengthening my Spirit. I am forcing my Mind to walk and I'm taking back my Body!  If those past Olympians are Brave enough to face the public eye, the Biggest Loser, after their fall - then I am tough enough to stand.

Much Love,

~Coach T~